DESIGNER

I am leaving the abf that I know but I just wish that I could get the golden answer to how someone in this world could throw everything away because of alcohol. He loves me and says that he always will but I find it sooo hard to believe!! I know that he is sick and has a disease but it is just so hard to swallow how someone can leave someone like me....a person who has loved him through everything including rehab. He has told me that I am his world and just at christmas told me how he can never ever imagine me not being in his life but yet only 2 months later he is saying it is done and throwing in the towel.
I understand that not one of us here understand what is going on with this addiction but I just wish that God himself would send me something to help me understand. I know that I may never get the answer but it is just so hard.
I have exactly 2 weeks to go with living with him and I know that once I do not see him or talk to him(which I am having a very hard time grasping) that maybe it will be easier. Right now it is just so hard because everytime he comes home I am reminded that we will no longer see each other 2 weeks from now. It makes me so sad!!! He is the person for the last 4 years that I have went to for anything that is bothering me. He is the first person that I would call when I found out great news or was just having a bad day and needed someone to chear me up.

I feel like I am living a bad dream right now. I actually had a dream about 4 months ago that we broke up and I remember waking up and feeling so relieved that he was right next to me. I have always known that his alcoholism caused us problems but I always thought that things would work themselves out and that he would find his way with me still in his life. Now I find myself living the nightmare over and over every morning when I wake up. It is coming to an end and I am SO scared of it.

I know that things are not right between us but I just wish that I would awake from this nightmare one morning and find out that it is all not true. If I could have one wish in this world it would be for everything to be ok with him and with us and that the love that we have for each other could remain. At times I don't believe that he loves me but others I know that he does and that he is just walking away from me because he knows that he is going to continue to drink and he does not want to face his inner beast just yet and that I will never be happy untill he does.

I don't know what I am really trying to say here...just typing away because it helps getting it out.