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Originally Posted by hippyhippy  My problem with dx is....where is the highs? Two rages in a year and I am BP? I don't really overspend, occassionally I will be a bit less cautious. I don't get a high libido, it remains constantly low. I don't have religious experiences, I don't sleep little (I did when not on meds admittedly but lack of sleep is part of depression too) all I can see in me of a high is my rages (not had a white rage since last one in July) and racing thoughts. My thoughts do tend to be very fast when I am not on anti psychotics and I do have all sort of weird and fanciful ideas (like I am going to get a train to somewhere starting with A and not stop until I get on one for every letter of the alphabet, not ending my journey until Z....but I didn't do it...I just planned it) but they usually tend to be more of a self destructive manner. (like planning self harm, even if I am not feeling bad) |
Hippy, my thoughts are that the "highs" of BP consist not only of rages, but also irritability (anger) and anxiety.
Do you still experience irritability and anxiety? How long have you been on medication? Maybe the reason why you've only had 2 rages in the past year is because your meds are working for you, which would indicate that you
are BP. You did say your mood swings were getting more pronounced, right? Mine were/are too. Maybe you got on the right medication before it got really bad.
By the way, I don't overspend or do any of the other things either. I can relate to many of the other things you said as well. If your doctor has misdiagnosed you, then my doc has misdiagnosed me too, which I strongly doubt.
But you seem to be doing well, Hippy--as good or better than the rest of us. I didn't want to accept my diagnosis either. When he told me, the first thing I thought was, "You're wrong--you must've made a mistake. You haven't even talked to me long enough to make a diagnosis." Like you, I was always painfully aware of the prolonged, severe depression but the symptoms of hypomania totally caught me by surprise.
My anxiety has slowly developed into a lot of irritability and anger, and that has now evolved into these rages where I feel like hurting somebody, or myself, or both. I have an appointment with my psych in a couple of weeks. So, I think I understand what you said about planning self-harm, and hope your medication and therapy have helped with that. It sounds like they have.
Anyway, I thought I'd chime in since nobody else had done so at the time I started typing all of this. Maybe you haven't gone to bed already...