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Any resistance in a 4th step has everything to do with your 1st step. I would revisit this. You are either going to follow directions or balk. There are some 1st step considerations posted on the thread Problem Drinker VS. Real Alcoholic that may help you.
Before late stage alcoholism completely destroyed me, I was a teacher. My last two years in education I would go home drink until I passed out and wet my bed. Everytime I drank I would wake up in my own urine. At this time I was running a group for emotionally disturbed kids. Every morning I would wake up in my pee soaked bed, shower, put on my coat and tie and go to work, showing troubled kids how to make better choices. I hated myself more than words can describe.
I was never going to tell anyone about this, ever. At 5 months sober I heard a man at a meeting decribe this experience. I could not believe it. I share this with you because I now understand what it means to not regret the past and I know how hearing this man changed me, I thought I was alone, a disgusting disgrace of a human being. We are only as dark as our secrets.
In doing a brutally honest 4th step I got free of this. How Free do you want to be? Nothing counts but thoroughness and HONESTY
By the way, since I have been sober I have not peed the bed, this may not seem like a big deal to some, but to me it is a gift that I give thanks for every day I wake up.
PM me if I can be of help
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