[nandm]

5-6

We want to stay out of this controversy. We do not want to be the arbiter of anyone's sex conduct.

The authors do not speak to us from a moral hilltop. They do not assume to be empowered to judge us. This attitude can enable us to be useful to others when they come to us for advice. Regardless of our own beliefs in this matter, the spiritual solution is available to us to solve any problems we may have.

9

What can we do about them?

This book gives us specific answers to our questions about what we can do regarding our sex problems. The authors give us clear-cut directions on how to solve the sex problems in our lives by showing us precisely what they have done. If we are willing, we can follow the authors' example and find out how to solve our sex problems by accessing the power of God.

10

We reviewed our own conduct over the years past.

Once again, we search our past and reexamine each of our relationships. In doing so we recognize behaviors that we repeat, causing all of our relationships to end the same way. When laid out before us in black and white it is easier for us to determine if the way we have been living is working for us or not.

11

Where had we been selfish, dishonest, or inconsiderate?

Our selfish and self-centered basis for life also affects our sex lives and relationships. We lie to and manipulate others to get our way. We disregard the best interests and well being of others. We cause great harm physically, mentally and spiritually to those we come in contact with.

12

Whom had we hurt?

We hurt those we have relationships with and also those around them in a widening ripple effect. The parents, siblings, children, future sex partners and spouses of those with whom we have had relationships may all feel the effects of the harm we have caused through our sex conduct.

13

DId we unjustifiably arouse jealousy, suspicion or bitterness?

We list each such instance where we feel our conduct has awakened these feelings in others. These feelings may arouse a desire to retaliate that is very hard to break free of and has destroyed many relationships.

14

Where were we at fault, what should we have done instead?

Our new outlook upon life allows us to stop blaming others and see where we were at fault. The shortcomings listed in this paragraph are just a starting point. The more precise we can be when identifying our defects the better we will be at recognizing them when they appear. We have many defects of character that may be listed.

Our new outlook upon life opens our eyes to see what we should have doen in our relationships. We see the result of our being driven by our own selfish goals and what would have been best for each person involved. In this way we can begin to form guiding principles for our future conduct.

18

We asked God to mold our ideals and help us to live up to them.

By making this prayer, we get to experience for ourselves the guidance and power of God. We abandon our old way of living and thinking. The new basis for our lives is to rely upon God. If we were able to live up to our ideals on our own, we probably would have. The prayer suggested here brings the power of God to bear upon our relationships and sex lives. This is a practical method and as we experience its effectiveness we develop faith that it will continue to work if we practice it.

19

We remembered always that our sex powers were God-given, and therefore good, neither to be used lightly or selfishly nor to be despised and loathed.

As alcoholics, we may tend toward extremes. We are seeking balance in our lives. The two views cited here are extremes and should be avoided.

20-24

Whatever our ideal turns out to be, we must be willing to grwo toward it. We must be willing to make amends where we have done harm, provided that we do not bring about still more harm in so doing.

We are learning how to deal successfully with life's problems. The self-examination and reliance upon God's help that we practice in the fourth step, coupled with the actions suggested in the subsequent steps of this program, result in our being able to overcome difficulties that used to baffle us. This is a way of life that works.


Source:
The Annotated AA Handbook
Frank D