(((cherbear79))) This means hugs to you!
Cherbear,
I know exactly how you feel. My husband (who i married two years and three months ago) is the love of my life and the most wonderful man in the world. Unfortunately he is addicted to crack. I too, have two children, 11 and 13 both girls. He has been to them what their own father has not, he's been there as a "father figure". BUT...he is a crack addict and always will be. He is not someone you would picture as a "crackhead". He doesn't stay out all night (anymore) but only stays out late once a week or every two weeks. He has worked the program of NA, but it's not enough. He started going to church (his idea) thinking it would help...but he is still an addict and still fights the urge every day and usually loses the battle. He is what they call a 'functioning addict". He has a good job, we have nice things, we are not in debt up to our ears, but IT IS A CONSTANT BATTLE FOR ME WITH OUR FINANCES AND WORRYING ABOUT IF HE IS GOING TO BLOW OUR BUDGET ON HIS HABIT. He does not want to be an addict, says he doesn't even enjoy it anymore, says he wants to die rather than use, but the monster is too big for him, too big for me, too big for anyone. I have watched him fight this monster our entire marraige. Let me tell you, it's worse than a million godzillas all at once.
IF I HAD IT TO DO OVER, I WOULD NOT MARRY HIM AGAIN. If I had known before we got married that he was a crack addict and all that it means, I would never have married him. This problem has affected our family (he also has two girls the same age as mine), me, and my girls. It has put me on the edge of insanity daily (and I am a very intelligent, sane person). Some days, I just want to give up my will to live...and I'm not even the addict. I am in Al-Anon (thank the Lord, or I'd be in the funny farm as we speak) This two years and a few months of my life (we also dated 6 months before marraige) have been the toughest ever, and let me tell you, my past has not been easy before he came along. However, now that I'm in this marraige, I feel I'm in for the long haul and I can't give up hope. Maybe some day, that will change for me and I will decide I don't want to deal with it anymore. But for now, I'm sticking with him.
If I were you...not saying you should do this...but if I were you....I'd turn tail and run as fast and as far away from him as I could right now! I wish I could take my own advice, oh how I wish I could.
If you decide to stay with him...a few words of advice:
Get in Nar-Anon or Al-Anon now.
Learn to hope for the best, but expect the worst to happen every day in every little thing having to do with him-otherwise, you will be constantly disappointed.
With finances, make sure that you have full control or at least have yours separate from him to where he has no access-and make sure that anything you buy together, you can pay for by yourself (because it may come down to that-in the throws of crack addiction, they spend all their money and then some)
Don't expect the fairy tale marraige, or even a normal life, because there is no fairy tale and no normalcy with addiction.
Love ya, hope you keep coming back!