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I've been up and down for a while now and the main reason for that is because i haven't had a stable place to live since 2005. I've in and out of hospital, in refuges, hostels etc. I feel my bi-polar is under control but my anxiety levels are thru the roof.
The only thing i'm currently using is alcohol (which i'm trying real hard to cut down on)
I'm not expecting a miracle from the move interstate to b with my girl friend. But I do feel positive about it. We've had many talks on the subject. In fact, not that long ago, I asked her was she willing/able to be involved with someone who has bi-polar and generalised anxiety. She assured me she's more than ready (she's a nurse and has done lots of mental health)
When i was younger, around 18-19, I was diagnosed as a sociopath. I didn't give a f#$% about any one. People to me were commodities to be used up then throw away once I'd finished with them. When I went to rehab from 98-2000, I developed a conscience and could NEVER do the things i used to do.
This friend i'm living with, apart from all her defects, is helping me the best way she can. And I'm trying to get her into a detox, organising meetings etc. But she has no motivation. She knows she can't drink but continues to drink none-the-less. I wouldn't do anything to hurt her. Like i said, I now have a conscience and couldn't do anything even if i wanted to.
It's also an addict thing, lots of people would steal off their own mother to get on (something I've never done is rob my parents). It was just a passing thought, I didn't sit pondering and planning it. It just crossed my mind but i got rid of that thought straight away.
Thank you for support and care...please stay in touch
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