Hi Tweek, I admire your honesty, but had thought the "Tw33k" was representive of your manias....hadn't realized there was a heroin addiction there. I have to be honest and tell you that some of the things in your last post don't sit well with me, but I am still very sorry for the pain and difficulties you are going thru right now.
Seems i remember that not too long ago you were really manic? My memory sucks these days tho so i could be wrong, but if so then this down time is a natural swing of the bipolar. It tells me that your meds are not right yet - that your mood stabalizer isn't quite right yet because your moods are obviously not stable.
This needs to be addressed with your pdoc at your next med visit.
From your post it seems that you are still using right now.
Is that right?
Does your girlfriend know that?
If you're not currently using then does she at least know about the addiction?
Basically, you need to keep working to get your mood stabalizer right and you need to keep reminding yourself that this down time is only temporary and is just a result of the highs. We are bipolars and therefore we will always swing back up eventually so it's just a matter of time and you just have to hang on until then. I know it sucks....believe me that i know how much is sucks. That is why i spend a lot of time writting about my thoughts feelings here at SR....to get them out of my head and to also get as much support as i can.
Also...you can't expect your biological down swing to change when you fly out and have simply changed your geography. It will seem better for a little bit b/c you will be with your girlfriend and your body will be producing natural endorphines then. BUT you will still be in a bipolar down episode (unless of course you have naturally come out of it by then). Soooooooo......what I'm saying is --- don't expect a miracle from the move. And don't expect your girlfriend to be the key to all your happiness and expect that you will STILL be miserable...only it will probably feel worse at times because it will end up being much like now with disliking your housemate....only then it will be your girlfriend and there will be emotions involved then, which will feel worse. Make sense?
I'm not trying to be a kill-joy or burst your bubble or anything....i just want you to understand going into it that there are some things to be prepared for.
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Now, on a different topic....this touched a HUGE nerve with me:
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The old me would take advantage of the situation and scam her for everything she has, however i have chnged my life and cn no longer do that.
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Can u please tell me how a person (especially a person who appears to believe in God) can ever be that way in the first place? I'm completely baffled by how anyone can do that (unless they are a psychopath or sociopath and then i guess i at least understand it b/c they have no feelings about anything).
This would have always struck a curiosity cord with me. But especially now since I recently had my bank account emptied and my car stolen by a cocaine addict who says he loves me and still wants to be with me (and who's cell phone message says, "....God bless and be good to yourself'). He had even said he wanted to marry me!!
Please, PLEASE explain to me how people can be that way!!
Jenna