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Some things i have done with my abf concerning the housework (my personal boundaries)...
He is more than capable of putting on the washing and has done in the past so if I find he hasn't been helping out, I don't wash his things, just my daughter's and mine. When he moans he has nothing clean I hand him the bin bag full and point out the washing machine.
I tidy up around the living room and kitchen etc because it is a family space, again though, if I find he has been leaving his stuff everywhere for me to pick up, I bag them up and throw it somewhere for him to deal with it. If he needs something it's probably in there and he'll have to sort through it. Etc etc etc.
It is very hard at first because the general mess of a few bags of stuff is irritating and I felt the urge to do it myself to just get it done, but if you stick to your guns he'll get the message. I think its good for all women to do this (A's involved or not) as fellas tend to think we should do all the domestic stuff!
If my abf has been drunk, I let it go. I don't argue with him at the time and I don't bring it up the next day either. What I think your friend doesn't understand is that it isn't about making him aware of his slip or letting him 'get away with it'. He is suffering himself either by guilt knowing he slipped up or by damaging his own body. By getting upset or holding a grugde with him all I am doing is hurting myself. Its all about how I react to the things that happen.
Hope that helps!
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxx
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