| Still wondering...
about enabeling. I've been to counseling (years) , read the books, including Melody Beattie's twice...and still I struggle to see my actions objectively.
I do not lie for my AH, I allow him to assume the consequences for his actions - and yet,
when confiding to a friend/mentor recently, she made the comment, "yes, but after he's been drunk, life goes on as normal in the house"
I was telling her about the cycles -- AH sober for a long while, overindulgence/drunk on occasion, followed by my disappointment/hurt, followed by AH's guilt/remorse and resolve to get back on track.
It's the same cycle that's been going on for 15 years, with varying degrees.
I always want peace in the house, stability for my kids, forgiveness. As I am aware of the cycles (knowing this will occur again, because his desire to be sober varies) and how I can detach from it, HOW am I enabling him?
When my friend said, (paraphrase) 'Yes, he feels guilty and apologizes, but things go back to "normal" and nothing changes in his comfortable life'
The way I see it, the consequence of AH actions are #1) I am more emotionally detached from him and #2 ) the kids, my older son in particular, get a lesson on ill choices (by me talking with them) and what abuse of alcohol can do.
Am I enabling his behaviour by staying here?! carrying on with daily activities? forgiving him every time?
please help me see this clearly...
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