Dotcom,
It´s normal that you´re afraid. You´ve been through a passionnate rollercoaster and be prepared that the fear might stay with you for some time. Your trust was violated, because you were sometimes afraid of him, and it takes a lot of work to reclaim yourself, so you can explore other relationships and find someone special which is better for you.
I can see you´re doing great. Don´t hit yourself for being still very influenced by him. These things need to settle. Like Justme says very wisely, the world is at your feet. Let some time pass, go through your grief and you´ll be over him before you know it.
:council:
Thank you both for your kind words and keep up the good work!