[hippyhippy]

I am not suicidal at present but I am that awful way where I just can't be bothered to do anything. Living is an absolute battle. This morning for example, I persuaded my little un to watch videos for a while so I could have more time in bed. When I eventually got up, it is just so hard to do the things I have to do, like get the kids their breakfast. I look around my house and it is an absolute state but I am going to do nothing about it. I would spend all day in my pj's if I thought I could manage it but I have to go and see my mother this afternoon and pretend that I am fine. Even that is proving a struggle just now and I feel so bad for letting her see I am not good at present as she herself is ill.

How do I keep on going and summon up the energy to get through another day and another and another of the same monotonous lack of desire to actually live, not just suvive? How do I find it in me to do stuff like other people like housework, interact with my kids, washing, showering...the list is endless. How do people do it without slipping back further down the road? How do I manage to move on from here? It just seems such a bleak road ahead of me to think I will go on like this forever more. My shrink seems to think it is ok as long as I am not suicidal but I can't contiinue with this gnawing depression without getting back to being suicidal.

Hippy