SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post - For Those With Less than 2 weeks Sober Part 2

theonlyway · 01-25-2008, 04:04 PM

Well... a Majority of Day 5 has passed and I feel pretty good.

I feel like I'm at a "different" danger level than so many... I don't drink 24/7... I don't "need" it, but certainly I have the craving, which, to me, translates more into a "desire" I think... than a true *craving*...

I don't know??

I know that being here, facing the fact that there IS actually a problem and that i AM wanting to do something about it is a big step, for me anyhow...

Don't get me wrong, I don't feel I'm special or any better or anything along those lines... In a way, I'm worried... maybe I've substituted one addition for another? --is that one of those normal worry things??? It's difficult for me to call my alcoholism an addiction - it just doesn't fit my "picture"... but substituting thinking about or planning when the next 'get away' will be for my party-- and now sitting here, clinging to these posts, trying to find some sense in it all.....??

My sister is a non-functioning alcoholic and addict... Her addictions have destroyed her life. I'm now raising her daughter, her son's dad took him some four years ago... She cannot function on a daily basis that lasts more than a day or two - unless she's in rehab or jail, which she is often -- She has lost everything, her family, her self-respect, ...

I have a tough time putting myself into that category. Again, don't think I'm saying I'm any better than her... Until recently I believed that, in a dark corner of my mind, because I *fake it* MUCH better than she...

But now I'm admitting my powerless ness... my life's unmanagability... my utter LACK of ABILITY to drink for any significant length of time and NOT get drunk... and I despise it... in a way, almost despise her for being 'right'... and at the same time, I have a newfound compassion and respect for her...

It's all so confusing and difficult to sort into words.

Anyhow, day 5... getting ready for Meeting 3. I know I'm ok because I've never gotten 3 days past the hangover without blowing off the "i have a problem" idea... so, somehow that's progress, right?

Anyhow... thanks for listening to my babbling... off to shower...

01-25-2008, 04:04 PM	#5 (permalink)
theonlyway Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Michigan -- Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Posts: 325	Well... a Majority of Day 5 has passed and I feel pretty good. I feel like I'm at a "different" danger level than so many... I don't drink 24/7... I don't "need" it, but certainly I have the craving, which, to me, translates more into a "desire" I think... than a true craving... I don't know?? I know that being here, facing the fact that there IS actually a problem and that i AM wanting to do something about it is a big step, for me anyhow... Don't get me wrong, I don't feel I'm special or any better or anything along those lines... In a way, I'm worried... maybe I've substituted one addition for another? --is that one of those normal worry things??? It's difficult for me to call my alcoholism an addiction - it just doesn't fit my "picture"... but substituting thinking about or planning when the next 'get away' will be for my party-- and now sitting here, clinging to these posts, trying to find some sense in it all.....?? My sister is a non-functioning alcoholic and addict... Her addictions have destroyed her life. I'm now raising her daughter, her son's dad took him some four years ago... She cannot function on a daily basis that lasts more than a day or two - unless she's in rehab or jail, which she is often -- She has lost everything, her family, her self-respect, ... I have a tough time putting myself into that category. Again, don't think I'm saying I'm any better than her... Until recently I believed that, in a dark corner of my mind, because I fake it MUCH better than she... But now I'm admitting my powerless ness... my life's unmanagability... my utter LACK of ABILITY to drink for any significant length of time and NOT get drunk... and I despise it... in a way, almost despise her for being 'right'... and at the same time, I have a newfound compassion and respect for her... It's all so confusing and difficult to sort into words. Anyhow, day 5... getting ready for Meeting 3. I know I'm ok because I've never gotten 3 days past the hangover without blowing off the "i have a problem" idea... so, somehow that's progress, right? Anyhow... thanks for listening to my babbling... off to shower...