[2stop]

I have two important things I MUST get done today, and I have been tossing and turning all night terrified to leave my "safety" zone. I am even fearful of walking the kids to school. I feel so beaten, like someone just crushed me from behind with a 2 ton sledgehammer. I am really "crawling" today. I have been praying HP Help me over and over.....I think I wore out my privileges with the big guy in the sky....no relief seems in sight. I went to the basement to get some laundry...and the brilliant idea of locking myself up down there crossed my mind. LOL..pitiful pitiful. I will face these fears and do it anyways...but It seems to weaken me not strengthen me. Then again I know my perceptions are totally screwed up from years of drug abuse and dealing with the panic disorder. I just feel all screwed up in the head.....but like I have always told others we must not allow our feelings to be confused with fact. The fear is a legit..I DO feel it...but the fact remains the "worst" that can happen by me leaving my house today is I get carted away in a strait jacket...and quite frankly it is a real threat to me after spending 3 separate terms in a state hospital as a teen and dozens of other times at local and private hospitals.....I have survived institutions before...so that's the worst case scenario...I get committed for acting like a nutcase in public...LOL..sounds silly I know, but it's real to me. Will check in later with my trek into the real world...thanks guys.

((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))