"I have found that wasting energy on others that refuse to do things for themselves is a waste of my precious time-if they want to help themselves and are serious about I will lend a supporting hand or ear!" I love this statement.
Queen ... I'm sorry things aren't going the way you'd thought they would. I, too, had a hard time accepting the fact that R was never going to be MADE sober, he'd one day have to find that out for himself. I know, my skull is thick too. To understand the A, I have to walk a mile in his/her shoes, and in my case, that's with my food abuse. When R said to me "I want you to lose weight", gimme a break, I KNOW that, I'd LIKE to be thinner, but I'm NEVER going to lose weight until I'm good and ready. And I play mind games like an alcoholic too. "Today I'll have a little bit more, and tomorrow I'll have less. Hey, I don't look bad in a mirror!" Well guess what. I have a big butt and a spare tire around the middle. But until I knuckle down and say "I am NOT going to ABUSE FOOD for ME" it ain't happenin.
So that's why I know now that I and the others could have forced him to go to court-ordered rehab but he would have rebelled BIGTIME when he got out. Or fudged like your husband. Maybe it will be you moving out that wakes him up. I don't know. But I hate to see you allow yourself to be wrung out by him all the time.
(((hugs)))