[2stop]

Thank you Phoenix, I don't want to give up but I am feeling like I am giving out..the fear is like a mountain crashing on top of me..and I can't outrun it...I can't. And I feel if I don't move forward somehow someway I will die...and I will have ruined not just my life, my family. I love my family so much..I cannot function. Just walking to school with them..I love to walk, but the fear..the panic when someone walsk by..I speak, they think I am friendly and cool yad ayda..but inside I am destroyed..and the cycle just goes on and on and on....How did I get to wheer I cannot drive??? I loved to drive..I miss it so much...many times now I cannot even ride in a car..it is that bad...I really knew I was cracking up when i couldn't even walk one house away and buy cigs..went through nicotine withdrwal because I could not walk out my door..I don't know what to do..there's so much pain in my head, my heart and my physical self isn't much better. The pain...how do I cope with the pain? I am praying but I don't believe at the moment....how do I belieeve again when I don't care keeps my head full?? I am scared, and so tired...I can't cry. I have to do something, I just don't know what yet.