Thanks for responding, Bonni.
Your post puts things in perspective for me. Although I realize, like Juls says, that during great strain friendships can be put on hold, I just don´t think this relationship is good for me.
She has done it before, the signs were there. When I came back to Paris after my marriage broke up in London, she never called. She completely withdrew. Later, she told me she couldn´t watch my pain. Luckily I had other friends. I also started building up other resourches of friendship, because this showed me that when you´re really down, some people close to you can really not deal with it.
I had this growing feeling for a long time she was living in a maze of codependency with this man and I thought to myself: I have never, in all my relationships, become the mirror image of my spouse. I´ve always maintained my independance and closeness with my friends. Maybe that´s why they were not a success, LOL. No, No, I´ve done my fourth step and taken inventory.
I will let her go without bitterness. I think I just needed to face it. My sponsor calls it trimming hedges. In recovery, some branches will fall.
Thanks again, Bonnie. I love your angels.