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How do you control your own appetites when it's just you when not at work? Any advice will be appreciated.
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Welcome to SR. Glad you are here.
I did have to laugh when you stated you are a mentally ill alcoholic. I can truly relate. I have often laughed at the thought of being completly up front with someone I meet and say "hi, my name is Judith, I am a bi-polar, alcoholic, lesbian, with PTSD and an anxiety disorder; do you want to be my friend." LOL I can see them running away really fast.
The only thing I can share is my experience. The program of AA is how I controlled the obsession with alcohol. It helped me immensly. I also make sure I take my meds as prescribed and am completely honest with my psychiatrist so she has the information to make any necessary medication changes. Things are better in my life being sober than they were drinking. Yes, the alcohol numbed out the feelings which felt better at the time and some days I wish I were still numb but I realize that if I go back to the numbness I destroy my emotional availability in my relationships and will wind up destroying them. I am able to have honest, loving, and respectful relationships today but that took being able to be emotionally here rather than numb.