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Phoenix, I am so glad you posted this ! I am just begining to realise that a lot of my depression was caused by my drinking , have been depressed all my life , and drank heavily for 37 years .
The thing that struck me with your post , was the word " fear "! I realise that I have been fearful all my life too. I have always wanted to be invisible , and I am finding it very hard to be " visible".
Towards the end of my drinking , I used to go to work, where I felt safe and confident , BUT rushed home, shut the curtains, and drank til I had to go back! Insane eh? Not much of a life , and definitely , required no effort from me , but saved me being hurt , I thought !
Anyway , I am learning to cope with my emotions , which I still have , but doing it Sober ! OMG! it is hard . had a bad day yesterday , out of the blue , but thank God for my sure and certain knowledge that I " cannot pick up that first drink" .
Sorry for rambling , but that word fear just jumped out at me
HUGX
Lee
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