 I hate him today..
I feel terrible but at the same time I want to physically strike out at him; the only thing keeping me from doing it is the baby who is almost 2 months...
My boyfriend is the only one of the two of us working right now, we just had a baby. I've been so frustrated with him lately.. I am madly in love with him some days, but other days I am just resentful and hateful towards him. I've even taken to sleeping on the couch even on the nights when he's home (he works third shift).
I haven't felt this much hate for a person in a long time, I just feel like I'm throwing my life away being with him; but I know that if I leave him I'll never forgive myself because he's my ideal guy on most days. We plan to get married, but I'm tired of questioning myself. This is the first relationship I've been in since I got divorced 7 years ago that has been with a non-abusive partner.
I recently moved here and haven't had a therapist since I got here, but I finally made an appointment to see one to find out if my bipolarity is being triggered by postpartum depression.. I have done nothing but eat for days, and I don't even care anymore. I feel like I want to scream at my baby when she's crying, even though I know that's what babies do. I am not afraid I'm going to hurt anyone or myself, but I'm tired of crying and just want to feel normal for a change...
Please pray for me to see the light beyond this darkness... I know it's there somewhere I just feel like I'm losing hope.
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