[Debaucher]

If that version doesn't work for you then try this one on for size.

RENT-A-SPONSOR
Are you tired of being treated with respect as an equal?
Still looking for that easier, softer way?
Had enough of trying to be honest and find what will work for you?
Want to become an AA lemming

STANDARD FEATURES INCLUDE:
*Offers a catchy cliche as a solution to every problem
*Will not LISTEN to you but rather has to make everything you say into a resentment or a fear.
*Learn to work the steps just as your sponsor did
*Learn that you don't have what your sponsor has and it doesn't matter how long you are sober you still wont be as sober as him.
*Learn to talk the talk, walking the walk is optional as his lack of humility shows you
*Rember that sponsees are stupid so when you start giving it away tell them what to do instead of listening and helping them. This will ensure that they always need you to make their decisions. They will hold you up as their higher power trusting in you!
*Above all read the big book so you can line quote and show how you are more sober than the next guy. It isn't about helping people it is about proving how sober you are.

Disclamer: If this sponsor sounds good to you then you might consider finding a sponsor who will help you:

Find a higher power
Trust your higher power
Clean house
Learn to make conscious contact with your higher power
Carry the message

Finally... Has what you want (peace, serenity, happiness)


--- Not picking anyone I just had the itch to provide balance to the festivities ---