[nandm]

Day 7

Making Amends

"You can fall many times, but you aren't a failure until you begin to blame someone else." anonymous.

There are people with whom it would not be wise for us to make certain amends. Although we might be willing, we have to weigh whether our admission would adversely affect their lives.

One of these people might be our spouse. To tell him/her that we carried on an affair with someone in our circle of friends servesno purpose other than to relieve our own conscience. It would pain our spouse and cause a rift in a friendship that has been mutually satisfactory. It might also cause problems in the family of our one-time lover and lead them or us to seek divorce as the only alternative.

Some of us have worked through this by admitting to our spouse that we engaged in an extramarital experience, that we take full responsibility for the affair, and are unwiling to implicae anyone else. When pressed, we have clung to our stand.

If we feel that our spouse could pressure us into a full confession, it might be to everyone's advantage for us to refrain from disclosing the matter at this time.

We're already making amends to friends and family by the change in our behavior, by following the principles the program has taught us, and by not falling back into destructive patterns.

Today's Step: I am developing the wisdom to know when making amends might cause further harm.

Step by Step. Muriel Zink