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Originally Posted by frankly  I know I'm withdrawing into myself again. That's one reason that I'm posting here, usually if I tell someone that it is happening, then I actually accept that it is and can pull myself up out of it. Just typing the words, validates it to me, helps me see the problem better somehow.
My mind knows that I'm a good person, that I'm loved, but my heart weeps and I feel so alone inside. Usually I can snap myself out of it by visiting peaceful beautiful places and count my blessings, lately though even that is making me sad. I'm withdrawing from everything and everyone again, and I don't want to be in that place, but something inside of me wants to hide there. |
Hello, frankly. Yours is yet another post here that I relate to, especially the last part.
You said you were told you can never take any meds. Have you gotten a second and third opinion on that? Some meds have almost no physical side effects at all. Lamictal is one of them. I've been on it since August. My experience has been that it's a little more effective in treating depression than anxiety. So, if you have a tougher time handling the depression, it might work for you.
Also, you mentioned dealing with your episodes through therapy, exercise, nutrition, and gratitude. I like your proactive, multi-level approach to treating BP. I'm guessing that not being on medication has forced you to explore things that most of us haven't in order to find things that work. Have you got any tips for us? I have found that involving myself in a hobby is good for alleviating depression. Have you got any hobbies?
I'm not receiving professional therapy either. My doctor is pretty much a med-only doc. I think we can spend countless hours with a therapist and, at the end, they still don't know us. It's very difficult to find a therapist who wll really slow down and listen, and even harder to find one that we feel comfortable with. And it's hard to pay the bills for all of that time spent with the therapist. The only therapy I get is online, for free. I think I'm probably better off with this kind of help anyway. The nice thing about online help is that you don't have to relive anything that you don't want to, and you don't have to reveal anything that you don't want to. Sometimes, I think it is helpful to let go and forget the past, and concentrate on living in the present and dealing with current problems. I hope this has helped...