Old 12-18-2007, 11:31 AM
  # 15 (permalink)  
tryingtoheal
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 98
Help for what happened to her when she was 14...

Welcome, LostSister! Everyone, as usual, has been extremely helpful and kind to you, and I just wanted to add a few suggestions...

Whatever happened to your sis when she was 14 is something that she needs to deal with, and most likely, with a professional. I understand that she is resistant to getting help for her drinkiing, but is she also resistant to getting help for the issue that happened to her so long ago? I am not an expert on childhood attacks, abuse, etc., but I can tell you that I know a lot about the subject. It is not something that usually just 'goes away' with time.

I used pills for two years after a traumatic event in my life. The pills numbed me, and I became an apathetic slug and part-time monster. Once I finally got the help I needed to not only diagnose, but to sort out and cope with post traumatic stress disorder, the next thing I worked on in my life was my addiction to pills. My work with a psychologist literally propelled me out of denial about my horrendous addiction and how it was adversely affecting not only my life, but that of everyone surrounding me.

If you haven't already, perhaps you could find her a psychologist or psychiatrist who can help her deal with anxiety, sleep issues, stress or anything else in her life that she is 'using' as an excuse, as I was with pills, to numb the pain with wine. I am sure wine is an excellent numbing device (temporarily) that sheilds one from all of the symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder and all of the fun stuff that goes along with trauma, like flashbacks, feelings of anger, loss, night terrors, panic attacks, etc. But, as you know, wine and drunken nights never actually help people cope in the long run...and her kids will suffer right along with her, no matter how much your family 'supports' your sister for the sake of those kids.

Also, as everyone else said, get yourself (and your family, if they want to help themselves and your sister) some help. Try out Alanon or something else. Baring the burden of keeping your sister's secret about what happened to her at 14 is a huge task for you as a sister, and I admire you for being so strong and loving. In order to keep supporting and trying to get her help, you will be glad to learn tools and a host of other supportive mechanisms that will help you help her. Hopefully, you will learn how to feel less at a loss about the situation, become a better help to her and yourself, and become better able to cope with the stress and emotional turmoil that currently binds you.

One more suggestion: you know how this Web site has helped you so far? Maybe you could suggest to your sister to come on here and read and post in the alcoholic forum...? Or maybe you can hint to her to check out the Children of Alcoholics forum on this Web site (maybe that would scare her into getting help or at least help her realize that she is not just hurting herself by drinking so much). Or maybe you (or she) could find some supportive Web sites (pertaining to recovery from the incident when she was 14) for her to lurk around and potentially start posting on. You never know...maybe anonymously talking to people about her story or issues will help her out just a little...or a lot!

This Web site was absolutely the catalyst that made me realize that I am a codependent freak , and after less than two months, I can feel my situation turning around and changing for the better. Trust me, I never thought an anonymous Web forum could ever do anything good except turn me into a computer nerd, but now I am one! I am extremely grateful for that!!
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