I have posted in other areas that have been very helpful but this is my first post here. I'm scared.
I have suffered with treatment resistant depression since I was 16. I'll be 40 next year. Last year I finally found a good psychiatrist who helped me get on a medication that saved me from my hell of depression. However he has stated that he believes me to be manic depressive type II, i.e. my mania is aggression, agitation, irritability and anger. I don't disagree.
I see a good therapist now and it is helping a lot. Thing is, when I got sober (I quit alcohol nearly 8 months ago) I went through 3 months of detox and misery. Then .. the anxiety and things like that went away and I stopped needing my anxiety medication. In the last 8 weeks my anxiety, irritability, anger and agitation have gone through the roof. I feel like I'm going crazy.
I'm seeing my psychiatrist tomorrow. Nothing is helping me right now though. I'm have literally been white knuckling it through the last 6 weeks. I called my shrink's office on Friday and got some more xanex and even THAT isn't helping.
Mental illness runs strongly in my family - especially the women. Addiction has plagued the men. I was severely abused in my childhood, youth and survived rape as an adult.
I'm trying so so hard to cling to the Lord and get through this but today I feel like I'm losing my mind. I read my Language of Letting Go book today and it was so good and it helped but oh Lord it just feels like I want to just "hulk out" LOL. You know, like the Incredible Hulk in the comics, turn green and tear things up and just rage rage rage.
Please bear with me. I'm sorry I just needed to vent.