[nandm]

Day 5

Self-Pity

"When your dreams turn to dust, vacuum. Anonymous

Our identity as a victim doesn't hold water once we begin to admit to ourselves the exact nature of our wrongs and how they have affected our relatioships. Gradually, we begin to see that, as one of our friends so aptly put it, "Every pot goes out to find a lid to fit it."

When we can release this victim fixation, we can begin to examine our own role in the chaos of our lives. Finally, we begin to understand what led us to the admission that we were powerless over our circumstances, and that our lives had truly become unmanageable. We discover that we played a very active part in making a relationship unworkable, even though we truly thought we were doing all the right things. But we also find that much of what we did do stemmed from early conditioning and beliefs that came from our families, our cultures, and our religions.

If we are to pull ourselves out of this morass of misconceptions, it's vital that we stop pointing fingers at others and look straight at ourselves. We'll see clearly that we possess some characteristics that work against us in a very powerful way. Paramount among them is self-pity. Equally nonproductive is the illusion that we're doomed to a life of pain, frustration, and lost chances. Through self-examination and self-determination we can reverse this downward spiral and open up new opportunites and admit to ourselves, God, and another human being our own part in various victime scenarios. We can trade in self-pity for self-acceptance and in the process gain positive associations with others.

Today's Step: I can examine painful relationships and understand the rewards of honesty.

Step by Step. Muriel Zink