I walked into the danger zone today (the post office). The line was long. The staff was going slow. The people were mailing a lot of stuff. Just when it was my turn the person took a break. The whole time I kept repeating to myself, "I am not being ignored." Also, my other mantra, "Return to love." This is from Marianne Williamson. I used to think you had to be a spiritual, loving person all the time. But Marianne taught me that this is not humanly possible and all we have to do is leave self-centered fear behind and return to love. I am working on all this because my self-respect is at stake. I want to be a nice person and sometimes I am not. The closer I get to being patient and laid back (like my role models) the better I feel about myself. At the same time I am BPD and therefore cannot ever be like people who don't have this disorder. So to maintain my confidence I see myself as a "work in progress."
