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gravelgirl66 · 12-12-2007, 11:21 AM

I read your post, man that sure sounds familiar. I am gonna be brutally honest, and tell you some stuff, you probably dont wanna hear... First off, to me addiction is addiction. My ex husband was a heavy drinker, but his primary love was Meth (crank)... All I KNOW is this situation is not gonna get better.

You know the saying "hindsight is 20/20" - Maybe you will understand years from now as I have... but there was One, REALLY defining moment in our relationship, and I WISH TO GOD... that I would have made a diffrent decision. I spent most of my pregnancy alone, I went to the doctor's appt. alone... Our daughter will be four in Jan... spent holidays alone... he would flitter in and out and throw out my bone as i called it, (tell me what I wanna hear) and off he would go and all promises to change out the window. I went over two weeks on my DD and my doc finally wanted to induce. He did Actually drive me to the hospital.

Where he LET ME OUT at the door. And drove off. I walked alone to the maternity ward. I held the nurse's hand during my epidural. I was in labor all day, alone, and not for several years later did I find out he went "shopping" and the the bars. The nurse held my hand when I got my epidurals. Finally my best friend got there in the nick of time... he finally showed up drunk, looked at her in the nursery and left... Never held her, never even spoke to me.... The next night, my best friend, had a "frank" talk with me, and said _______ I am telling you, he is messed up, a piece of trash, jerk, and it is never gonna be diffrent till he seeks recovery..... " Me of course, I made excuse after excuse for him... He never even came to get me at the hospital... he was at home "sleeping it off" - to this day, I wish I had made a diffrent decision... I wish I had the guts to tell him to get the F outta my house and it be "over" and meant it... But I didnt...

From there progessed a downward spiral of another year of agony and hell... the good "moments" were few and far between... Now I am divorced.. and trust me eventually, Your love for them dies... I dont hate him... I dont wish ill will, but my only "caring" is b/c of our child together... and really, that has basically died... he makes remidial efforts to even see her... and he still is on his path of destruction... He is sober from meth... but the alchohol continues...

to my point... find it inside of you somewhere to love your child MORE THAN your wants, your needs, your desires... Its easier said than done... I know.. .I thought i would DIE without him.... turns out, I didnt.... And really I HAVE the BEST of Him.... in her....

12-12-2007, 11:21 AM	#1 (permalink)
gravelgirl66 Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: FL Posts: 24	To startingover2 and everyone else I read your post, man that sure sounds familiar. I am gonna be brutally honest, and tell you some stuff, you probably dont wanna hear... First off, to me addiction is addiction. My ex husband was a heavy drinker, but his primary love was Meth (crank)... All I KNOW is this situation is not gonna get better. You know the saying "hindsight is 20/20" - Maybe you will understand years from now as I have... but there was One, REALLY defining moment in our relationship, and I WISH TO GOD... that I would have made a diffrent decision. I spent most of my pregnancy alone, I went to the doctor's appt. alone... Our daughter will be four in Jan... spent holidays alone... he would flitter in and out and throw out my bone as i called it, (tell me what I wanna hear) and off he would go and all promises to change out the window. I went over two weeks on my DD and my doc finally wanted to induce. He did Actually drive me to the hospital. Where he LET ME OUT at the door. And drove off. I walked alone to the maternity ward. I held the nurse's hand during my epidural. I was in labor all day, alone, and not for several years later did I find out he went "shopping" and the the bars. The nurse held my hand when I got my epidurals. Finally my best friend got there in the nick of time... he finally showed up drunk, looked at her in the nursery and left... Never held her, never even spoke to me.... The next night, my best friend, had a "frank" talk with me, and said _______ I am telling you, he is messed up, a piece of trash, jerk, and it is never gonna be diffrent till he seeks recovery..... " Me of course, I made excuse after excuse for him... He never even came to get me at the hospital... he was at home "sleeping it off" - to this day, I wish I had made a diffrent decision... I wish I had the guts to tell him to get the F outta my house and it be "over" and meant it... But I didnt... From there progessed a downward spiral of another year of agony and hell... the good "moments" were few and far between... Now I am divorced.. and trust me eventually, Your love for them dies... I dont hate him... I dont wish ill will, but my only "caring" is b/c of our child together... and really, that has basically died... he makes remidial efforts to even see her... and he still is on his path of destruction... He is sober from meth... but the alchohol continues... to my point... find it inside of you somewhere to love your child MORE THAN your wants, your needs, your desires... Its easier said than done... I know.. .I thought i would DIE without him.... turns out, I didnt.... And really I HAVE the BEST of Him.... in her....