SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post - Thoughts on Step One--comments or thoughts welcome

sugErspun · 12-10-2007, 03:41 PM

Step One

In my experience, step one created a foundation of willingness.

For years I attend AA meetings and read the book, sort of do the steps, maybe go to a function have a sponsor that I don't really listen to - basically doing things my own way. Life got better! I would be 3,6,9 months sober and the job would straighten out, I would get some money, physically I feel a lot better, get a new girlfriend - whatever.

Time and again, I would end up getting drunk. Once I was sober for almost 2 years, and drank again - with full knowledge of what could happen if I did. This was baffling to me.

The last time I drank, I called someone from AA, which I had never done in the past when drinking and basically reached out - I was given the number of someone who lived closer to me and I gave him a call. I was desperate - I could not continue to drink, yet I couldn't stay away.

I began meeting with this man weekly, he asked that I approach the book with him as if I had no idea what my problem was. We talked about my drinking, and read the book a little, starting on the title page. We turned the statements into questions ("Is this me?","Have I drank/felt like this?") Each day I said a simple prayer:

"God, please help me to set aside the things I think I know about myself, my illness, the 12 steps and you(God) for an open mind and new experience with myself, my illness, the 12 steps and especially you, God"

That means even after saying I am alcoholic for years, I had to be open to the possibility that maybe I wasn't...Take an unobjective look at myself, and an alcoholic and do I truly find myself there (because we all know that AA can ruin the drinking of anyone - even a non-alcoholic).

The book and this program began to open up to me. I could relate to the phenomenon of craving, which the book described as the result of an allergy to alcohol, when I get a little into my system, my body craves more - this power of the craving will override any thought to the contrary. It would take an outside force for me to stop drinking (in my case it was a hospital bed) - Also I could relate to the insanity of picking up another drink with full knowledge of what would happen if I do (develop craving, can't stop, death). And the subtle ways that I get myself back to the first drink.

It was a rather morbid feeling - there was no hope for me. I carry around a condition that will have me dead, and there is nothing I can do about it. I will drink again and for me to drink is to die.

I have a hopeless condition and I feel it deep down - this is step one for me.

Not a pretty picture.

I became willing to do anything that was offered, no matter what the cost.

12-10-2007, 03:41 PM	#2 (permalink)
sugErspun Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 1,694	Step One In my experience, step one created a foundation of willingness. For years I attend AA meetings and read the book, sort of do the steps, maybe go to a function have a sponsor that I don't really listen to - basically doing things my own way. Life got better! I would be 3,6,9 months sober and the job would straighten out, I would get some money, physically I feel a lot better, get a new girlfriend - whatever. Time and again, I would end up getting drunk. Once I was sober for almost 2 years, and drank again - with full knowledge of what could happen if I did. This was baffling to me. The last time I drank, I called someone from AA, which I had never done in the past when drinking and basically reached out - I was given the number of someone who lived closer to me and I gave him a call. I was desperate - I could not continue to drink, yet I couldn't stay away. I began meeting with this man weekly, he asked that I approach the book with him as if I had no idea what my problem was. We talked about my drinking, and read the book a little, starting on the title page. We turned the statements into questions ("Is this me?","Have I drank/felt like this?") Each day I said a simple prayer: "God, please help me to set aside the things I think I know about myself, my illness, the 12 steps and you(God) for an open mind and new experience with myself, my illness, the 12 steps and especially you, God" That means even after saying I am alcoholic for years, I had to be open to the possibility that maybe I wasn't...Take an unobjective look at myself, and an alcoholic and do I truly find myself there (because we all know that AA can ruin the drinking of anyone - even a non-alcoholic). The book and this program began to open up to me. I could relate to the phenomenon of craving, which the book described as the result of an allergy to alcohol, when I get a little into my system, my body craves more - this power of the craving will override any thought to the contrary. It would take an outside force for me to stop drinking (in my case it was a hospital bed) - Also I could relate to the insanity of picking up another drink with full knowledge of what would happen if I do (develop craving, can't stop, death). And the subtle ways that I get myself back to the first drink. It was a rather morbid feeling - there was no hope for me. I carry around a condition that will have me dead, and there is nothing I can do about it. I will drink again and for me to drink is to die. I have a hopeless condition and I feel it deep down - this is step one for me. Not a pretty picture. I became willing to do anything that was offered, no matter what the cost.