[caraway]

Hello nufznuf. I can't really add anything to the above but agree with what historyteach says, its not your fault. And for what its worth, you sound like a very good mother to me, you have a good relationship with your oldest (birth) son and you so obviously care very much for your other children. I hope you can start believing in yourself and feeling a bit more positive. You deserve to be happy. God bless.