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It sounds like you spend a fair amt. of time living in the past.
A wonderful book is The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment by Eckhart Tolle (even better is the book on tape) avail. from Amazon.com
It teaches us to surrender to what is and to stay in the now with very limited visits to the past & future.
I find that if I have no expectations from my grown son and step sons than I can't be disappointed.
Maybe you need some light therapy bec it must be cold and dark up your way by now. Keep warm and try this book or book on tape to read near a warm fire.
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If tears could build a stairway I'd walk up to Heaven and bring my son home.
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