[nufznuf]

Maybe I am one of those people I am always am saying should not be mothers.
I have tried to raise 4 children.
There's my step daughter who is now 35 and an active drug addict and alcoholic
My only child by birth my oldest son is OK he is the only child I ever succeeded with and we do have a very very good relationship.
then there was my step daughters half brother no relation at all to my husband, I tried to help that child from the age of 12 -17 when he left under the guise of "helping his sister" who was pregnant for the second time by just who for sure she was uncertain.
This same child went on to become my youngest child (adopted child of my step daughter who we adopted after she abandoned hi ) drug dealer. Oh joy


2 summers ago youngest child ran away only to discover he was running away to "uncle mikes" house to do drugs. child is now on probation for MIP of unlawfull substance.
HE has now been contacted with proof that he was part of a group of students that broke into the school. they said they just wanted to safe place to hang out ...at 3 AM. they also made smoke bombs one of which exploded in the school. They were experimenting.
School is just an excuse to go hang with his friends, he does little to no school work
the only class he is currently passing is Band ( he loves to play music) and PE oh boy

he come homes after school and I ask if you have home work and did you turn your work in and he says I did it in school and yes I turned it in...and then when i check on it I see he hasn't and then he turns it all around and its my fault. school discussions usually have lots of yelling and screaming on both sides and then end with him slamming his bedroom door saying its all my fault I just don't understand how hard it is to be a kid

Then I get depressed and basically fall apart. and I cry and can't function

I had a major melt down at the beginning of November because I let my dad get into my head and here I am 48 yrs old and I am still trying to win my fathers approval and that is never gonna happen. I am still the worthless child. my sister is the star perfect child and I am not even chopped liver.

I am trying to stay focused on my climb back out of the dark and I get slapped in the face by yet another lying deceitful child who is just like his birthmother....a master at making everything someone else's fault
AM I becomeing my father???



is there really something to Nature VS nurture??
is it my childs fate to be a lier, cheater, alcoholic drug addicted failure?

is it my fate to be a failure as a parent???

I used to be able to make sense of my life.
I feel so worthless these days