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If you are thinking about
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<P>If you are feeling suicidal now, please stop long enough to read this. It <br>will only take about five minutes. I do not want to talk you out of your <br>bad feelings. I am not a therapist or other mental health professional - <br>only someone who knows what it is like to be in pain.</P>

<P>I don't know who you are, or why you are reading this page. I only know <br>that for the moment, you're reading it, and that is good. I can assume <br>that you are here because you are troubled and considering ending your <br>life. If it were possible, I would prefer to be there with you at this <br>moment, to sit with you and talk, face to face and heart to heart. But <br>since that is not possible, we will have to make do with this.</P>

<br><P>I have known a lot of people who have wanted to kill themselves, so <br>I have some small idea of what you might be feeling. I know that you <br>might not be up to reading a long book, so I am going to keep this <br>short. While we are together here for the next five minutes, I have five <br>simple, practical things I would like to share with you. I won't argue with <br>you about whether you should kill yourself. But I assume that if you are <br>thinking about it, you feel pretty bad.</P>

<br><P>Well, you're still reading, and that's very good. I'd like to ask you to <br>stay with me for the rest of this page. I hope it means that you're at <br>least a <I>tiny</I> bit unsure, somewhere deep inside, about whether or <br>not you really will end your life. Often people feel that, even in the <br>deepest darkness of despair. Being unsure about dying is okay and <br>normal. The fact that you are still alive at this minute means you are still <br>a little bit unsure. It means that even while you want to die, at the <br>same time some part of you still wants to live. So let's hang on to that, <br>and keep going for a few more minutes.</P>

<br><P>Start by considering this statement:</P><br>


<P>Suicide is not chosen; it happens<BR>
when pain exceeds <BR>
resources for coping with pain.</P><br>

<br><P>That's all it's about. You are not a bad person, or crazy, or weak, or <br>flawed, because you feel suicidal. It doesn't even mean that you really <br><I>want</I> to die - it only means that you have more pain than you <br>can cope with right now. If I start piling weights on your shoulders, you <br>will eventually collapse if I add enough weights... no matter how much <br>you want to remain standing. Willpower has nothing to do with it. Of <br>course you would cheer yourself up, if you could.</P><br>


<br><P>Don't accept it if someone tells you, that's not enough to be suicidal <br>about.・There are many kinds of pain that may lead to suicide. Whether <br>or not the pain is bearable may differ from person to person. What might <br>be bearable to someone else, may not be bearable to you. The point at <br>which the pain becomes unbearable depends on what kinds of coping <br>resources you have. Individuals vary greatly in their capacity to <br>withstand pain.</P><br>
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<IMG SRC="http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/paindown.gif" WIDTH=251 HEIGHT=242>
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<br><P>When pain exceeds pain-coping resources, suicidal feelings are the <br>result. Suicide is neither wrong nor right; it is not a defect of character; <br>it is morally neutral. It is simply an imbalance of pain versus coping resources.</P><br>

<br><P>You can survive suicidal feelings if you do either of two things:<BR>
(1) <FONT COLOR="#FF0000">find a way to reduce your pain, or </FONT><BR>
(2) <FONT COLOR="#FF0000">find a way to increase your coping resources.</FONT>

<BR>Both are possible.</P><BR>

<P>Now I want to tell you five things to think about.</P>

• <P>You need to hear that people <I>do</I> get through this -- even <BR>people who feel as badly as you are feeling now. Statistically, there is a <BR>very good chance that you are going to live. I hope that this <BR>information gives you some sense of hope.</P>

• <P>Give yourself some distance. Say to yourself, I will wait 24 hours <BR>before I do anything.・Or a week. Remember that feelings and actions <BR>are two different things - just because you <I>feel</I> like killing <BR>yourself, doesn't mean that you have to actually <I>do</I> it right this <BR>minute. Put some distance between your suicidal feelings and suicidal <BR>action. Even if it's just 24 hours. You have already done it for 5 <BR>minutes, just by reading this page. You can do it for another 5 minutes <BR>by continuing to read this page. Keep going, and realize that while you <BR>still feel suicidal, you are not, at this moment, acting on it. That is very <BR>encouraging to me, and I hope it is to you.</P>

• <P>People often turn to suicide because they are seeking relief from <BR>pain. Remember that relief is a <I>feeling</I>. And you have to be <I>alive</I> to feel it. <BR>You will not feel the relief you so desperately seek, if you are dead.</P>

• <P>Some people <I>will</I> react badly to your suicidal feelings, either <BR>because they are frightened, or angry; they may actually increase your <BR>pain instead of helping you, despite their intentions, by saying or doing <BR>thoughtless things. You have to understand that their bad reactions are <BR>about <I>their</I> fears, not about you.</P>

• <P>But there <I>are</I> people out there who can be with you in this <BR>horrible time, and will not judge you, or argue with you, or send you to a <BR>hospital, or try to talk you out of how badly you feel. They will simply <BR>care for you. Find one of them. Now. Use your 24 hours, or your week, <BR>and tell someone what's going on with you. It is okay to ask for help. Try:</P>

<BR><P><UL STYLE="line-height:1.4;">
<LI>Send an anonymous e-mail to <A HREF="http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/samaritans.htm">The Samaritans</A><BR>
<LI>Call <FONT COLOR="#FF0000">1-800-SUICIDE</FONT> in the U.S.<BR>
<LI>Teenagers, call Covenant House NineLine,<FONT COLOR="#FF0000">1-800-999-9999</FONT><BR>
<LI>Look in the front of your phone book for a crisis line<BR>
<LI>Call a psychotherapist<BR>
<LI>Carefully choose a friend or a minister or rabbi, someone who is likely to listen
</UL></P><BR>
<BR><P>But don't give yourself the additional burden of trying to deal with <BR>this alone. Just talking about how you got to where you are, releases an <BR>awful lot of the pressure, and it might be just the additional coping <BR>resource you need to regain your balance.</P>


<BR><P>Suicidal feelings are, in and of themselves, traumatic. After they <BR>subside, you need to continue caring for yourself. Therapy is a really <BR>good idea. So are the various self-help groups available both in your <BR>community and on the Internet.</P>


<BR><P>Well, it's been a few minutes and you're still with me. I'm really glad.</P>

<BR><P>Since you have made it this far, you deserve a reward. I think you <BR>should reward yourself by giving yourself a gift. The gift you will give <BR>yourself is a coping resource. Remember, back up near the top of the <BR>page, I said that the idea is to make sure you have more coping <BR>resources than you have pain. So let's give you another coping <BR>resource, or two, or ten...! until they outnumber your sources of pain.</P><BR>

<IMG SRC="http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/paincope.gif" WIDTH=251 HEIGHT=243><BR>

<BR><P>Now, while this page may have given you some small relief, the best <BR>coping resource we can give you is another human being to talk with. If <BR>you find someone who wants to listen, and tell them how you are feeling <BR>and how you got to this point, you will have increased your coping <BR>resources by one. Hopefully the first person you choose won't be the <BR>last. There are a lot of people out there who really want to hear from <BR>you. It's time to start looking around for one of them.</P>

<P>Now: I'd like you to call someone.</P></blockquote><BR><BR>