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I have/am suffered/ing from depression and Anxiety as well as Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome and trust me when I tell you it is none of these. This state of consciousness is so foreign and bizarre being awake is literally painful. You begin to panic when you realise there is absolutely nothing you can do to escape you mind. "Its like I fall deep within myself. I look at my mind from within and feel both trapped and puzzled about the strangeness of my existence. My thoughts swirl round and round constantly probing the strangeness of self hood - why do I exist? Why am I me and not someone else? At these times, feelings of sweaty panic develop, as if I am having a phobia about my own thoughts. At other times, I don't feel grounded' - I look at this body and can't understand why I am within it. I hear myself having conversations and wonder where the voice is coming from. I imagine myself seeing life as if it were played like a film in a cinema. But in that case, where am I? Who is watching the film? What is the cinema? The worst part is that this seems as if it's the truth, and the periods of my life in which I did not feel like this were the delusions." ~Author unknown
The symptoms associated with depersonalization have a known connection with psychological trauma . However, if the problem develops into a disorder (persistent and recurring) then it is important to have it treated as it may lead to suicide, depression, lack of meaning, lack of joy, and general apathy .
I would not of course wish this terrible affliction on anyone, however it would be nice to know someone who can relate. There are no accurate words to convey how this DP feels. It is odd though, that I am more artistic through writing stories, songs, playing my guitar etc. while in DP mode.
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