[rainonme]

Hi there,

As I mentioned before, I am new here. AH is on day 7 of recovery. We already attend couples counseling about once a month, but will likley begin going more often following a recent incident with AH and drinking (it is in my previous post for those who want the details...). AH is going to begin more individual counseling with our therapist on a weekly basis and will attend his first AA meeting on Tuesday. He is also going to increase his Zoloft in hopes that this will help his anxiety/depression and how ever that may be affecting his goal of sobriety.

Anyways, the situation is this: AH used to smoke cigarettes. He quit twice before, the most recent time about a year ago. He began chewing nicotine gum and about 6 months ago began doing chewing tobacco (which I was not pleased about). He never touched any cigarettes or any kind of smoking. Now that he has stopped drinking and pledged to make this sobriety thing work, he mentioned to me that he is thinking about smoking again. He says as a "crutch." He says to give him some "joy" since he does not have the alcohol to go to when he is depressed, angry, stressed, etc. I said he needs to try HEALTHY ways of coping and that to me, smoking will not fill that void that sobriety leaves him and that the larger issue is that he does not know how to appropriately cope with life's stressors. I think it is stupid for him to take this step backwards; he sees smoking as the same as doing dip. He agrees that the reasoning is not right and the choice is stupid, but he "wants to" do it. He asys his focus is on the sobriety and I shouldn't get on him about the tobacco....

UGH. I know smoking is not the same as drinking, but to me his overall poor reasoning and bad choices and drive to meet his wants and not be able to delay gratification is such a red flag to me and I automatically relate it to how he may be able to handle not meeting that want of drinking. Am I overreacting? I told him that I think it is a stupid idea and I don't like it and I asked him to wait until Monday to talk to the therapist about this decision. He bought a pack of cigarettes tonight (but has not touched them). I am trying not to be controlling and told him that he knows how I feel about it but it is his choice and that is all I am saying about it.

Anyone's AH do something like this when they stopped drinking? Like trading one bad habit for another or trying to fill the "void" of sobriety with something else (unhealthy)? Am I reading too much into it? Should I be happy that he is working on the sobriety thing and let go of the tobacco issue for now? I just don't know....