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Jenna, my whole life Ive needed attention from men, and all it brought me was trouble and depression.
I finally, although I want it very much, am at a place where Im treating that need as my addiction, and finding other ways to fill the void. Past several weeks Ive been craving just a mans arms around me, longing obsessing ect. BUt something happend at a bible discussion group and older woman whose likea second mom to me just put her arms around me caringly, and for the first time I realized there is other things to the need, and sometimes its more about just knowing others care. Does that make sense?
I think its similar too, to the way ICU infants do better with more touch and care, its a basic need we all have.
Im a person who loves to isolate, then complains about being lonely sad and depressed, recently from the weirdest sources Ive had people, friends, stop by hang out and Ive been going and doing. It feels so so so strange, I want to run and hide, moments I feel outta control, but I realized something the more Im involved, force myself to do the better I feel, the less down, less lonely, less needy. Theres always moments but I try not to think or dwell on them, and for today...its working
----and other people are onticing the change. As a child I wrotre poetry about being a child behind the scenes, one that noone noticed. 2 weeks ago my kids went to a animal release function. 2 separate newspaper photographers and 1 county photographer were there and in 150 people they all took and used and published photos of me and the kids (and none of other spectators)
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