Entire Psychic Change
For this alkie I came to understand that the "Pyschic Change" and the "Spiritual Awakening" were two different things. My Spiritual Awakening started when I was sitting in the back parking lot of the Hollywood Bowl Park, drinking Thunderbyrd Wine and feeling like it was coming out of every poor of my body as fast as I put it in, and it was then I knew I was going to die if I continued, and I was going to die if I tried to stop, but somehow knew I wanted to die trying to get sober. That was 6/7/81. I put the cap back on the quart.
The awakening was complete when the following evening I awoke on the medical floor (not psych ward) of Olive View Hospital to find out I had died and the TOD was on my medical chart. That was my Spiritual Awakening. It was also the beginning of a new Sober life that continues to this day.
I believe my Psychic Change is still ongoing, lol. It started the day I asked Bev D to be my sponsor and got Hugh D also. With their 'guidance, patience, and unconditional love' I was able to work the steps and then learn how to LIVE the steps.
"God" was a problem for me for about 2 minutes until it was explained that right then all I needed was a "Power Greater Than Myself" and was given as examples, the Giant Red Woods, The Ocean, The Home Group as a whole, etc etc.............So, being a good Alkie, I choose a Harley Davidson Motorcycle for my whole first year sober,and yes it is funny today, but the important thing for me is IT WORKED. Today I have my own HP, the same one for many years and am very comfortable with my Native American side and the Native American teachings.
Yes, I was very sick. But I was WILLING, and I think WILLINGNESS is a big part of Psychic Change. This does not mean I didn't kick and scream and dig in my heels at times, lol and Bev and Hugh would let me 'wallow' for a bit, then one or the other with one of their gut hitting comments would snap me out of it.
I have recovered from a hopeless state of mind and body by slowly working on ME. I continue to grow and change, and hope to do so until the day I die.
I look back at that street wise, very angry, sick alkie gal, with a chip on her shoulder the size of a 2 x 4, that walked through the doors of AA, and she is nowhere to be found anymore. I read my journals from those early months and realize just how far gone I was.
I truly believe that Psychic Change comes as we practice new behaviors over and over and over and the new behaviors slowly make new pathways and erase old behaviors.
Those first 100 certainly didn't have all the 'jargon' that psych docs and therapists today have, but they had found a way that DID WORK and they SHARED it and PASSED IT ON, and today............................................. .........IT STILL WORKS!!!!!
It's a wonderful journey!!!!! Sometimes crazy and chaotic and sometimes smooth and serene.
Whatever you do, DON'T MISS IT.
J M H O from my own ES&H
Love and hugs,