The addicts first love is their drug(s) ... feeding the addiction takes priority over ALL ELSE .. we end up getting scraps (left overs) bits n pieces of whatever is left and usually whats left is anything but love .. it is contempt, hatred, verbal - mental - emotional abuse, cursing, blame, anger and the like ... Which is by no means love. There is far to much self-hate going on inside the addict for them to be able to truly love another. What we usually end up getting is their self -hatred turned inside out and heaped upon us. He must learn and begin to love himself before he can love you.
I'm glad you are here asking questions ... I hope you will hang around .. you are in great hands ... this is a wonderful forum and there is lots to learn here. Learn all you can about enabling, codependency, detachment ... Knowledge is power .. read, read and reread
... then apply what you've learned to your life and you'll be okay whether he stays clean or not.
You may have promised him you'd never leave him, however, don't overlook the fact that you are just as important as he is (don't put yourself aside or abandon yourself) you deserve to be treated right, to be happy and to have the kind of life you desire. YOU ARE WORTH IT - don't sell yourself short .. give yourself YOUR BEST
****{Hugs}}}
Passion