[Juls]

Ksos,

Psychiatrists, along with any other type of MD are not infallible. Mental illnesses are often difficult to diagnose and treat. There are incompetent dr.s out there, but I doubt that anyone was deliberately trying to mess you over.

That said, I have also experienced similar to yourself. While I have always suffered from depression I refused to take psych meds. It wasn't until I had gotten addicted unknowingly to Xanax. I say unknowinly because I did not know Xanax was so highly addictive, and I did not take more than what was recommended. My w/d from that medication was also extremely painful. I did not sleep for six weeks. It was at that point that I became willing to try an antidepressant med, that was also to be helpful for sleep.

I had panic around taking any meds because of my experience with the Xanax, and I had a difficult time adjusting to it. Also, in the beginning, after I would take it, I would feel similar feelings as to when I would be having a panic attack. Heart pounding, feeling dizzy, etc. I did adjust to it with time though.

One of the things I have learned from that experience is to be my own advocate. Now before I take anything, I do research and make sure I know everything about it. I listen to my Dr. but I also check things out for myself.

I know how you feel about wanting to off all meds. Maybe one day you will be able to, and me also.

In the meantime I can tell you are working your program. I have seen growth in you just since you started posting here. Keep doing that, and things in your life will improve. Maybe not the way you think they should, or even want all the time. Just because we stop abusing drugs does not mean our life will be trouble free, but we learn how to deal with life without using no matter what happens, and I think that is the greatest accomplishment.

Juls