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still_me · 11-11-2007, 02:49 PM

I met with my counselor but that is not enough. I have an appt. Monday with the shrink to change or add meds. They said I should go into the hospital if I couldn't make it til monday but at this point I can't, although I am getting closer to it. I can't handle my family's looks of disappointment and worry and hovering. They don't understand just how much worse this makes things for me.

I am putting ALOT ALOT ALOT of hope, ya stupid!, into monday. I don't want any of you to think less of me BUT I use to be an IV drug user and have not used IV drugs since 1995. I have not wanted to use IV drugs since. Sometimes other drugs but not IV ones. It was like that was a diff. person. NOW though, I want to so bad I can't hardly stand it. I even went as far as to call someone from those 12 yrs ago and see if I could get anything but luckily they are not doing that anymore. although I say luckily I honestly wish they did cause i feel like I ahve to do something to NOT be me. I don't want to still be me aNYMORE. Right now it is too hard! Like I said I'm putting ALOT of stupid hope into tomorrow but I also know I do that and probably on purpose so I can feel even worse when I don't feel better after meeting them.

A friend just called and asked me to go shopping for a while. The thought of crowds and **** is almost to much to even think aboiut but then I started crying cause I can't help it right now and she says YOU have to get out if jsut for a while. I don't want to but I said I would. I have 16 min. to get to her house and here I still sit.

God I'm tired of this. I just want to not feel, or feel ok, meaning not bad voices, not thinking everyone is out to hurt me, that life isn't worth living and all this **** that is going on and on and on.

I seem to come here just to type and then come back later on to read. Why????? Is it cause you don't know me and it's ok then?

I wish I could go into a coma for a while and wake up and be someone else.

11-11-2007, 02:49 PM	#1 (permalink)
still_me Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: US Posts: 81	I have been holding on now for some time I met with my counselor but that is not enough. I have an appt. Monday with the shrink to change or add meds. They said I should go into the hospital if I couldn't make it til monday but at this point I can't, although I am getting closer to it. I can't handle my family's looks of disappointment and worry and hovering. They don't understand just how much worse this makes things for me. I am putting ALOT ALOT ALOT of hope, ya stupid!, into monday. I don't want any of you to think less of me BUT I use to be an IV drug user and have not used IV drugs since 1995. I have not wanted to use IV drugs since. Sometimes other drugs but not IV ones. It was like that was a diff. person. NOW though, I want to so bad I can't hardly stand it. I even went as far as to call someone from those 12 yrs ago and see if I could get anything but luckily they are not doing that anymore. although I say luckily I honestly wish they did cause i feel like I ahve to do something to NOT be me. I don't want to still be me aNYMORE. Right now it is too hard! Like I said I'm putting ALOT of stupid hope into tomorrow but I also know I do that and probably on purpose so I can feel even worse when I don't feel better after meeting them. A friend just called and asked me to go shopping for a while. The thought of crowds and ** is almost to much to even think aboiut but then I started crying cause I can't help it right now and she says YOU have to get out if jsut for a while. I don't want to but I said I would. I have 16 min. to get to her house and here I still sit. God I'm tired of this. I just want to not feel, or feel ok, meaning not bad voices, not thinking everyone is out to hurt me, that life isn't worth living and all this ** that is going on and on and on. I seem to come here just to type and then come back later on to read. Why????? Is it cause you don't know me and it's ok then? I wish I could go into a coma for a while and wake up and be someone else.