Sometimes, it is enough. Other times it's not.
Hopefully , i don't confuse anyone.lol
Of couse the obviouse reasons most of us wanted to get clean
was to get out of a jam.lol or have a better life.
Just have to put things in proper perspective, i guess.
Becuase sometimes in recovery life happens and I don't
get what i want and that life's on life's term...shiet happens.
I use to think...F#@K !! when i go through crap...
not in a million years did i ever thought things can get
as bad as they did when I'm clean and sober.
When i arss is falling off ...the only thing i can
hold on to is my recovery...that's it...it has to be enough.
Becuase if I wasn't clean and sober i wouldn't be writing this
and be in a world of trouble and lost, lost.
Becuase if I get into...i use have been like this by now,
or things should be like this or like that....
or that's shouldn't happened to me.
typically, I'll start beating up on myself first. Once that negative
energy starts, it's a bit hard to stop.
I have to remember..i'm not numb anymore, i feel everything.lol
Other times when i revert back to some of my old behaviors,
yes, just being clean and sober is not enough, I have to try
to change that or work on it.
Sometimes , doing my best is sitting on my hands and just
draging my ass to a meeting...on a bad day, that's about
as best as i can do is not pick up no matter what.
I don't know..I'm an addict. This is some of the crap I go through,
not so much that life throws anything different at me then other peaple.
My mind, body, emotions, process it all wierd.
I guess that's what i get out of working the 12steps. i learned
more about myself and learn some living tools and coping skills,
so I don't have to use. During good times and bad times.