[hippyhippy]

I am feeling so much better than when I was last around regularly so thought I would update.

I am not sure of how much I posted about two-three weeks ago but I had a peak of a terribly bad time. I had had three drug changes in a very short time, ending in a depot injection of fluclopenthixol. I thought I was going to be fine with this especially as I was going to get a very nice supportive nurse coming to the house to do it.

However, a week into the treatment I began having the most major wobblies. I was shaking internally all over, my anxiety was the highest it has been for four years and the most horrific thoughts began to engulf me.

My pdoc was on holiday but he had left a message for my treatment to be stopped and for me to detox. The next few days were absolutely horrific. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't type properly as my co ordination was horrific, nor could I speak properly, walk properly or drive safely. I had a long weekend of talking to the emergency team over the phone as I really believed that if I didn't die from the effects, I was going to do something silly.

However, the physical feelings began to reduce and I was assured by the emergency team that I was no doubt experiencing withdrawals of possibly all three of my most recent drug changes.

I saw the emergency pdoc on the monday (12 days ago) and she prescribed an anti depressant, mitrtazepine, which helps with sleeping. Although it takes up to 5 weeks to have effect, I began to feel differences immediately (which some people do due to the help with sleeping). I went on holiday two days later (against medical advice but I hadn't organised insurance properly so we stood to lose a lot of money) which was not the most relaxing break ever. However, the effects of the withdrawal came to an end and the benefits of the anti depressant increased.

Which brings me to now. I managed the holiday (and manage was all I could manage!) and got home. Now that I am home I feel millions better. There are little signs of the depressive mood which began to swamp me. My regualr pdoc who I saw on Thurs is not convinced of the properties of this drug I have been prescribed and I know it is not generally given to people with BP due to the risk of it making mania more likely. He said he still has sodium valproate in mind for me but it can't be given in conjunction with mirtazepine I don't think and neither of us are willing to undergo a change at moment. He says if I have a wobbly like I did again, then it was obviously not the effects of the drug. My mood has at times been slightly elevated which is giving me a little cause for concern, but this is a side effect of some anti depressants anyway. So for the moment it is a case of 'watch this space'.
I however think that my mood got steadily worse after being withdrawn from my original anti depressant a few months ago and that it was largely responsible for my state of mind. Pdoc seemed determined to treat me with mood stabilisers alone, and I can see why but I just think I need an anti depressant too.

Yesterday, I cleaned the house from top to bottom and it felt so good to have that kind of energy (although, as I said, I think I might have been slightly elevated) as it has been missing for so long.
I was in the house with my little un and that felt so good too as for so long I have been terrified of being alone with her due to my mood.
I was able to sort through house finances without getting in a major pickle. My concentration for so long has been shot.

So.............................pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeease let this be it. At least for a while.

Long update, but there it is!

Hippy
xxx