Old 11-02-2007, 07:58 AM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Afraid 2 let go
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Jackson, Tn
Posts: 41
Hi Ruth. Welcome to SR. I'm fairly new myself. I came here with the same issues you have, and just want you to know that you have found friends here who care and share in your pain. This site has been WONDERFUL for me!! You might go read a few of my posts, as they sound much like yours.

A few things I would like to tell you is that my husband started doing Cocaine at age 16. He's now 41. In 2004 he switched his vice to Crack. Was clean for a year when he met me in 2005. In 2006, he went back to Crack for 6 months, then he was clean for 1 year. Two months ago he went back yet again. He has been in treatment for the past week away from me and the kids and is supposed to return home tomorrow. HE sought this treatment HIMSELF. THAT is VERY important. Your hubby CAN NOT do this for YOU.....he HAS to do this for HIM for it to work. Last Aug when he quit his 6 month habit I asked him "What can I do to help you stay clean and not do this again??". His reply "Stay in my A** CONSTANTLY, question me, talk to me about it, don't let me forget the screw up I made". So for a year I stayed on his butt, constant questioning him, talking to him, begging him to NEVER do this again, and for a year this worked. BUT, then he tells me....."Stop questioning me, it's not going to happen again, a year of this constant BS over my mistake last year is enough". NOW I realize that the reason he wanted the questions and nagging about it to stop is because he was ready to do it AGAIN, because when I stopped the questions and nagging 2 months ago.....HE WENT BACK!! The point I'm trying to make by telling you this is that you NEED to stay in his butt about it, atleast that's what stopped my husband for a year. Just a suggestion. Also, something else I noticed.....during that year he was clean he NEVER lied to me about anything, no matter how big or small. Two months ago (when the Crack started again), I started catching him in one lie after another, little things, big things, it didn't matter. Just lie, lie, lie.....that was a BIG sign for me. Also, I have learned when they say "never again", uh that is to satisfy YOU for the moment and make you shut up. I'm so sorry to have to tell you that, but I'm only trying to help you by letting you know this. Last year in the 6 months my hubby screwed up, he told me ATLEAST 3 times a week "never again", while using atleast every other day. He even looked me in my eyes and swore to me on his Mothers life (who he loves DEARLY) that it would NEVER happen again, just to turn around and do it again a day or 2 days later!! Know what's strange though?? In his mind and in his heart he DID mean "Never again", yet the drug is stronger and more powerful than he is. There is a post on here somewhere that I've read that tells you how the mind of an addict works. I strongly suggest that you find it and read it. It will help you to understand ALOT more than you probably do right now. Your hubby NEEDS help, they can say all day long that they can do it on their own, but FACT is THEY CAN'T!! Yet, HE has to WANT it.....for HIMSELF. God knows I know what you're going through, I sympathize with you, and you're in my prayers. PLEASE don't think I am trying to discourage you AT ALL. That is NOT my intentions. When I first came to SR I was exactly like you, and I have learned SO much from this site, as you will also. Keep coming back, you have friends here!! Good luck and God Bless!!

HUGS!!
JEN
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