Old 11-01-2007, 07:06 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Yardbird
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Northern California
Posts: 57
Ruth--

Just wanted to add one more post saying more or less what you've already been hearing. My partner is a coke addict (currently in recovery), and I drove myself crazy asking myself the kinds of questions you are asking above: will she do it again? What if I miss the signs? (I did miss the signs for a long time, too--love can make ya' blind).

In fact, you can drive yourself crazy asking those questions even if your partner never does it again! It's a lot like jealousy, that kind of worrying; it can eat you up.

What Amy says about the meetings definitely matches my experience: I "forced" my partner to go, and she went high the whole time and hated every minute of it. She found her recovery much later, when I let her hit bottom and she wanted to go to meetings for herself.

Over time, I learned to focus on my own reactions, set clear boundaries about what I would and wouldn't tolerate--and stuck to them. I've never felt so relieved in my life as when I finally learned to do that. I hope you find the same as well: focus on the things you can control. Posting/reading here and going to Alanon or Naranon can help a lot.
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