The alcoholics in my life DID feel empathy.....gosh.....sometimes for seconds at a time.
No, seriously, their desire for alcohol and drugs -- and the way that chemicals make them feel about themselves -- overpowers any good traits they may have as human beings.
And sometimes, they never had any empathy to begin with. Even non-alcoholics can just turn out to be idiots once you're up-close and personal with them. I doubt that alcohol is your ex-lover's only problem.
I know this is troubling you, but I have to tell you that I was so relieved to get to the end of your post and find out that you have left that relationship. You're obviously a loyal and kind and thoughtful person, and have no business being in relationship with someone like that....alcoholic, former (and probably future) addict, porn addict, narcissistic, always have to be the center of attention, not capable of just being with you........that's a recipe for a terrible life for you.
Sorry you're still in kind of a dark place......but SO glad you're away from that. Out here, you can still hope to find a relationship that isn't empty and lonely.
Wishing you the very best!
GL