Well......I'm a crazy alcoholic so I can relate.
I've been dealing with depression for a long time now. I think mine really came to the surface after I quit drinking (nearly 2 years ago). I've been in search of the right medication to treat my depression since then. At the moment I'm on a combo of meds that's working for me.
I can relate to some of what you said. When It was bad for me, I was depressed because I was depressed. It really is a vicious circle. A therapist of mine told me I tend to want someone to take care of me. It really struck a cord with me and I'm trying to be more aware of that about myself. Trying to be more independent.
Since I can remember, I've always wanted someone to notice me and recognize that I need help and then get me the help. It never did happen. No one ever offered help to me. I finally started helping myself.
I think a lot of people are able to get out of their depression without meds. I don't think I would have. Do you see a therapist for talk therapy? It could help?