| Givens
I read this passage in "Beyond Co-dependency" by Melody Beattie and wanted to share it with you all.
"Listen to the following conversation between two women. One woman is recovering from adult children issues and a marriage to an alcoholic. The other is of fairly normal descent.
"I can't decide whether to break up with my boyfriend or not,"says a woman.
"What are his good points?" asks her friend.
"Well, he works every day. He usually does what he says he's going to do. He's kind. And he never hits me."
"No," says her friend. "You don't understand. What are his good points? The things you listed are givens."
"Oh," says the woman. "I didn't know that.""
I know I have been guilty of mistaking givens for good points. As I get healthier, I am beginning to realise what is non-negotiable in my relationships with others. Compromise is one thing, sacrifice is a whole other ball game. And mistaking "givens" for acts of love is hopefully a distant memory.
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