[nandm]

Originally Posted by On~Fire

....How much does the way you come into recovery determine what kind of sobriety and your chances of remaining sober?.....

My thoughts are that it does not matter how a person comes to the conclusion they have a drinking problem, or what brings them to recovery but the bottom line is at some point they have to decide that they want sobriety for themselves and are willing to go to any lengths to get it (do what ever it takes). Someone who is trying to get sober to save a marriage, stay out of jail, etc....does not stand as good of a chance as someone who recognizes they have a problem and are willing to do what it takes to find and utilize a solution.

......To me surrendering is a submission in defeat. This to me is not a happy moment in my life. Even though for today i am glad (happy) that im sober........

Surrender is not defeat. I see surrender in the terms of a war; we have to accept that losing some of the smaller battles is a part of war it does not mean we will not win the war. (not that I like war, my thoughts are it is a stupid way to deal with problems, but that is another topic entirely).
It is only through surrendering to the fact that we are alcoholic and we need help for the problem that we become open to recovery. It is one of the paradoxes of A.A. Surrender to win. Looks to me like you have already surrendered to the fact that you are an alcoholic and you need help. So you have already surrendered.

.......I am not just a heavy drinker i am a full fledged alcoholic who is such a nice guy sober. But the drink brings out the Hyde in me.........

I only hope that the pain and humiliation i have caused myself is enough to keep me sober for the rest of my life. I dont want to forget what life is like, how bad it is when im drinking. Even the hardcore A's dont want to be around me. I hate who i am when im drinking.

I work to keep toward the front of my mind the exact same thing. My thoughts are I can not glorify my drinking. I have to remember the bad as well and toward the end it was more bad than good. Alcohol kicked my a**. By remembering that it helps remind me why I need to be viligent with the program of A.A. so I don't go back there.

Good luck, it sounds like you are on the right track. Sometimes it is really easy to overanalyze and miss the fact that we already have the answer to our problem. That is why I like these discussion boards, they help me sort out what is in my head. Glad you are posting.