| First Days In Recovery, what does step 1 mean?
Though it sounds simple and i am not trying to over analyze what surrendering means. How much does the way you come into recovery determine what kind of sobriety and your chances of remaining sober? To me surrendering is a submission in defeat. This to me is not a happy moment in my life. Even though for today i am glad (happy) that im sober. I know this will not be everyday for the rest of my life. Im taking a few days off and starting over. I know i need to stay motivated. I know i need to start a program immediatly. I only hope that the pain and humiliation i have caused myself is enough to keep me sober for the rest of my life. I dont want to forget what life is like, how bad it is when im drinking. Even the hardcore A's dont want to be around me. I hate who i am when im drinking. I really need that spiritaul awakening to keep me sober. I am not just a heavy drinker i am a full fledged alcoholic who is such a nice guy sober. But the drink brings out the Hyde in me. The effects of my drinking will take a long time to even attempt to remedy. In God i know i can do this. I just hope i can have enough faith in him to turn my life over to him for good. Its scary and im doing everything i can to listen to the positive voices in my head. I know that is God talking to me. I know without it i will never have a chance of staying sober for any length of time.
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