Tina,
I know this is very hard for you right now, but you did reach out for help. I have been where you are, and I know it´s a difficult place to be.
May I suggest something? How about finding out about AA and Alanon groups in your area, go to meetings and check them out? It´s a big step and you may feel overwhelmed at first, but you would be taking care of yourself.
You are not a loser, so don´t saddle yourself with more negative feelings. But toughness is required to handle this disease, because it is a desease. I lost my children, one to Welfare, another to a cult, I lost many good men, but most of all I lost my self-respect. This disease can make you do unbelievable things. But the mind is a mystery. Why do people fall in love? Why do they do drink when they know it´s bad for them? Why do they stop? Handing your questions to a higher power, giving up is the only way I know out of this predicament. You owe it to yourself to start looking for solutions.
I´m not as hard as I sound, and I really do feel for you.
Let me know how you´re doing and look after yourself. A man who hands you a drink is asking you to stay the same so he doesn´t have to change - in my opinion.
I hope you´ll get better soon,