Hi Tina,
Indecision is a difficult feeling and I feel for you. It´s by taking action and deciding to stay sober and start a new life when things get clear. Plus, drinking makes depression triple bad.
It took me about 15 years of drugtaking and daydrinking, plus being on the wrong side of the law to finally quit. I had been struggling with should I/ shouldn´t I for all these years when finally my Higher Power did it for me. I found myself after a blackout in a car with three strangers heading out to the country. To this day, I don´t know how I got in the car with them, but I managed to get away from them when they stopped for gas. I broke my skull in the process and woke up in Intensive Care in a terrible state.
I went to my first AA meeting after I got out and never looked back. Picking the pieces of my life took all of the 17 years I´ve been sober.
Now I have a life, a career, very good friends, a home, a broken family, yes, but a fun one. And I am finally at peace.
Take my word for it, it isn´t easy. I went alone through Cocaine and booze withdrawals and till this day, I don´t know how I did it, but I managed. So can you.
No one can take that decision for you. It has to come from deep within. But, believe me, it´s worth every pain it takes. You´re life will change and you won´t be the same person. You will meet new people and get a chance to do something meaningful with your life on a daily basis.